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Forum Mille Saisons • [Webzine] Tombé du ciel
Page 1 sur 1

[Webzine] Tombé du ciel

Publié : 13 Juin 2005, 12:23
par Blackwatch

Publié : 13 Juin 2005, 12:34
par Redyan

Publié : 13 Juin 2005, 13:36
par Ertaï

Publié : 13 Juin 2005, 14:13
par lapin blanc
Petit commentaire franc et sincère:

Pour "le fruit" : je reconnais bien là le style d'Eonath. Elle veut faire beau, elle cherche à travailler ses phrases, à être poétique. Personellement je trouve qu'elle en fait un peu trop ( bien que je sens une nette amélioration par rapport à ce que j'ai déjà pu lire :wink: ). En bref son style plait ou ne plait pas, à moi il ne plait pas mais cela ne veut absolument pas dire qu'elle ne sache pas écrire.
Ce n'est juste qu'une question de goût purement subjectif.
Quelques petites choses qui me chagrinent tout de même:

-Trop de phrases sans verbe.
-l'expression "[...] le chaud velours du sang nourrissant [...]" cela passe mal à mon oreille, il faut plutôt mettre sang nourricier non ?
-L'histoire en elle même: en fait il n'y en a pas vraiment, ce n'est qu'une belle description poétique du passage de l'ange vers la mortalité. Qui est il ? pourquoi fait il cela ? Je reste sur ma faim ...


En ce qui concerne "les enfants de Zaia" j'ai commencé à la lire tard dans la nuit et j'étais très fatigué. Le début n'a pas su retenir suffisamment mon attention. J'ai donc abandonné pour sombrer dans les bras de Morphée. Je ferai un commentaire plus détaillé quand j'aurai eu le temps de la lire dans de meilleurs conditions. :wink:

Publié : 13 Juin 2005, 19:44
par Améthyste

Publié : 13 Juin 2005, 19:48
par Oliv

Publié : 13 Juin 2005, 19:49
par GabrielleTrompeLaMort